when saddness comes

When sadness comes, I say, “You are not welcome here! When sadness comes it wants to stay, I say, “You are not welcome here! You are not welcome here and yet you stay on, long past your due. You are not welcome here. But since you’ve come, I will learn to live with you. You follow me to the doctor’s office. You are not welcome here. And you are my bedfellow at night. You are not welcome here. You greet me when I wake. You are not welcome here. You are not welcome here. Every time I make you leave, you come knocking once again. You are not welcome here. You come with me in the car, you follow me to the store. You are not welcome here. Get out of my house, stay away from my heart. You are not allowed to speak to me anymore! Get out sadness, out I say. Get out of this body. Go away! Still, he comes and he goes, an unwanted friend. One that nobody wants, but on whom you can always depend. To show up at your door when the going gets tough and you don’t know what to do anymore. I am sick, this body is hurting. I am sick and yet my world keeps turning. If I must be sick in body, then in spirit I want joy. But the sadness has come again to destroy. To destroy the joy I can enjoy everyday, in little moments if I can get away. From the future, worries, and uncertainties. Will I get well or be taken over by disease? I wonder, I wonder but no answers near. I wish all this knowing could just disappear. Ignorance would be bliss, I say. But I know far too much to ever live that way. Dare I dream for a better life? Dare I dream to be husband and wife? Dare I dream, or are these nightmares? Dare I think at all when despair. Comes a knocking, knocking at my door. He lets himself in, I don’t want you anymore. Get out I say, but he settles right in. I don’t dare to dream until you are gone again. My head fills with darkness, doom and despair. I don’t want to imagine living there. I know you will leave, as you always do. Because nothing is permanent in this world it’s true. The bad times will fade along with the good. Our complexion will change with age as it should. We will grow from baby to child to mom to grandma to great ma to heavenly child of God. Where do we belong? Where do I fit in? What hope do I have to offer within? I know I am strong, surviving for so long, in difficult difficult days, years, and so on. Through many dark times I have emerged, still alive, still a girl. Unscathed? unfortunately that’s hard to say. I know I am changed and will be always. I need to enjoy the joy in my life. I know it is there in the midst of the strife. A baby smiles and waves to me. I teach a young boy how to do something. A smile exchanged with a stranger as I go. A word of encouragement I offer in the midst of my pain. I don’t want to let this sickness rob me again. I need to go before the one, the one who makes it makes sense when it makes sense to no one. I love you, he tells me. You are my beloved. You are perfect he tells me and I'll raise you above it. Just trust me he tells me, it will work out for the best. Have peace my child, lay your worries to rest. You are a part of an intricate plan. You were formed in the palms of my hands. You are so lovely, in every way. You are my child, I’ll be with you always. I know you are hurting, I feel it too. I love you so deeply I live within you. You are never alone, and there is hope always in store. Even if you cannot see how things will work anymore. I have got it worked out so just you hold on. Enjoy what you can, view the beauty in the dawn. I made it for you so that you would know. How much you mean to me, you are my heart, my soul. So, I head to the church to hear my father speak. And if I let him, he brings me relief. So, goodbye to you sadness, goodbye for now. Goodbye my bedfellow and life partner somehow. I don’t want to see you but tomorrow you’ll come. So I’ll see you tomorrow. I see you tonight. I am waiting for you to once again leave my life. I’m tired of you sticking around for so long. Goodbye sadness, goodbye sickness, goodbye to it all.